If I were the Devil was a spoken essay written by Paul Harvey who was one of the most famous radio personalities of the 20th century.in the US. He first went on the air in 1933, and with shows like The Rest of the Story he was a staple of America radio for decades. First published in 1964 but, revised slightly over the years, the essay warns against attacks on the credibility of marriage, and family, and the promotion of pornography, and gambling, among other things. “In other words,” he concludes at the end, “if I were the devil, I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.” 

His point was that the American culture was already promoting these things and as we know it wasn’t just the American culture it has been much of the Western world, and the very things Harvey was worried about in the 1960s have gotten much worse.

Below is a recording and transcript of Paul Harvey’s Essay

If I Were The Devil

If I were the Devil….. if I were the Prince of Darkness I’d want to engulf the whole world in darkness. And I would have a third of it’s real estate and four-fifths of it’s population. But I wouldn’t be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree, thee.

So I’d set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I’d subvert the churches first, I’d begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve, “Do as you please.”

To the young I would whisper that the Bible is a myth, I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around. I would confide that what’s bad is good and what’s good is.. ‘square’.

And the old, I would teach to pray after me…. “Our Father, which art in Washington.”

And then I’d get organized. I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting. I’d threaten TV with dirtier movies and vice versa.

I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could,
I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction,
I’d tranquilize the rest with pills.

If I were the Devil I’d soon have families at war with themselves, churches at war with themselves, and nations at war with themselves.
Until each in it’s turn, was consumed.

And with promises of higher ratings, I’d have mesmerizing media fanning the flames.

If I were the Devil I would encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions, just let those run wild!
Until before you knew it, you’d have drug sniffing dogs and metal detectors at every schoolhouse door.

Within a decade, I’d have prisons overflowing, I’d have judges promoting pornography.

Soon I could evict God from the courthouse,
Then from the schoolhouse,
And then from the houses of congress.

And in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, and deify science.

I would lure priests and pastors into misusing boys and girls and church money.

If I were the Devil I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg and the symbol of Christmas…. a bottle.

If I were the Devil I would take from those who have, and give to those who wanted, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

And what will you bet… I couldn’t get whole states to promote gambling, as the way to get rich.

I would caution against extremes:
In hard work
In patriotism
In moral conduct

I would convince the young that marriage is old fashioned, that swinging in more fun. That what you see on TV, is the way to be.

And thus I could undress you in public, and I could lure you into bed, with diseases for which there is no cure…..

In other words if I were the Devil I’d just keep right on doing what he’s doing.

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What up to date revisions would you make to Paul Harvey’s essay?