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New Hybrid Variant discovered just in time to cause a rethink about June 21st

Ethical journalists around the world are once more to be praised for coming up with a new strain of the undiscovered Covid19 virus.

By John Ward at ‘The Slog’

“It’s wonderful news,” said Health Tsar Manflu Halfcock, “it arrived just in time to cause a rethink about June 21st, and I’m asking all the very nice responsibly unselfish terrified people to go down to Fleet Street and do a lot of clapping. Roibos tea and gluten free muffins will be supplied free by the Ministry of Culture, Media and Sport”.

In a move that should horrify and disgust all of us in equal measure, the male White supremacist rapist English Covid variant inseminated the poor defencelessly delicate Indian-lady version, and this has now become the Mutant Very Dangerous Vietnamese Hybrid strain. We know it’s very dangerous, because the Daily Telegraph bought space on social medium Litter to tell us:

Chief UK Medicated Wealth Officer Christopher Witless hailed the global media coverage as “a terrific display of inventive choreography” while Sir Hattrick Bankbalance praised the “dedication of slaves in reporting this deadly rampaging spawn of the Devil – even to the point of foregoing lunch in order to do so”.

Neither man was exaggerating:

BBC Chief Health correspondent Fergus Bogeywalsh followed up with “It’s very worrying. In fact, very very worrying indeed. And incalculably, infinitely dangerous. So far we’ve only had Doctor Jekyll, but this looks like the Mr Hybrid that I’ve been saying all along will kill at the very least 3.8 billion people not all of whom will be Chinese.”

But ace cub reporter Tom Harwood of GBNews was once more ahead of the pack:

“All the signs are there,” he tweeted, “Hanoi is already calling it the Coviet strain – an obvious, gloating reference to the Viet Cong while also using a term very close to Soviet. We should expect (given Victor-Charlie’s track record) immediate invasions of Cambodia, Lao” [before, baffled, he ran out of space]

Meanwhile, in a game bid to stop the Deadly Fast-Replicating Very Dangerous Coviet Hybrid in its tracks, largely unknown Labour leader Steer Calmer burst into tears on television while being interviewed by Smears Pogrom.

“Jesus wept,” said Smears.

“Correct,” said Calmer, “I am in fact the Messiah and I have the sort of humble compassion that produces exactly what this great broad church of ours needs – a fucking miracle. My tears are holy and you just watch that Coviet Hybrid turn back once I spray it with my streaming eyewash”.

Mr Pogrom later denied that he is a transinhuman hybrid of Anthrax. He declined, however, to take a test to see if he is IVF negative.

Read more like this at The Slog



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Krofter
Krofter
3 months ago

It’s more misdirection. The magicians manipulating the levers behind the scenes must continue to perform distractions with the left hand while the right hand continues the magic trick – the trick being – the deaths of over half a million in the US alone by covid vaccines. https://secularheretic.substack.com/p/death-by-covid-vaccine-update-8

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Des Gusted
Des Gusted
3 months ago

Following the seance in Westminster led by Neil Ferguson (medium) from mint imperial college it was decided to adopt
the new hybrid variant which is reputed to run for a year. Of course he has been wrong many times and claims the spirits its are not always reliable as his excuse.

ariel
ariel
3 months ago

Yeah, that’s just about write. Shades of John Lemon ‘In His Own,’ / ‘A Spaniard in the Works,’ etcetera.
Tell it like it IS, bro. We live in a world where the madness has Beelzebubbled to the Surform, and is in plain view for all who are not too freight-trained to SEE.

Barry Flounders
Barry Flounders
3 months ago

SAGE told Boris Johnson in March that we would have a new super variant which would be far deadlier than anything else and it would lead to the deaths of the elderly double jabbed people and this would be blamed on the children and unvaxed people. They must be using crystal balls in SAGE to come up with this prediction but more likely its a way of keeping the country in lockdown and trying to force a bill through parliament to make the jabs compulsory, to protect the people who would be at risk from the unvaxed